He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize