I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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