Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
