Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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