I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
