I love watching others lives come down to our level.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
