Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
