Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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