I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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