Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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