I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
