a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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