yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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