Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
