No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
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The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
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We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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