i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
