the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
