I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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