i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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