i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
They are going to name an STD after you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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