Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
