no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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