I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I look better un-naked...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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