The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
