You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
