Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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