you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
