I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
