I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
