Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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