He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
