I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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