dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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