New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
