You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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