Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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