Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
