"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
