The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize