It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize