So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
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Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
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Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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