Tell her she can't have a vagina
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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