I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
