I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
