I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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