this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
