At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
