p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
