When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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