Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
