all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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