he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
