wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
