4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
