so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
