Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
