Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
