come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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