I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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