A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
