i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I pour the whiskey from now on
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
