I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
