I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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