Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
