You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
