I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
