I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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