glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
