My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You're a waste of cheezeits
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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