I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
