you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
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Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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