Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
