yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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