He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
