Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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