TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
