I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
