He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So vagazzling was a success
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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