woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
