Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
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The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
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So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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