here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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