oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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