I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You were trust falling into bushes
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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