watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
