I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
