i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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