Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
