Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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