none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
